Sorry, Not Sorry

It’s been longer than it should have been to post another essay.

I have all kinds of excuses.

I’ve been busy.

I’ve been traveling.

I’ve been volunteering.

I’ve been planting garden, fixing fences, mowing lawn.

I’ve been working on revisions.

I’ve been watching TV … no … that’s not an excuse, just truth.

The fact of the matter is I’ve been imaginatively dry.

I think back to when I was younger and I could fit in a workday, make dinner, ride horse for at least a couple hours, play with the dogs, and still sit down at the computer before bedtime and write.

I can’t figure out how I did it.

Now time flies by so fast. Rest minutes stretch into rest hours. It takes longer to shop, fix dinner. And that TV with hundreds of choices is so, so enticing.

So, I made a plan. Ride a horse.

Now I know what you might think. How is that helping your day or your writing time?

That’s an easy answer. It’s time well spent. It’s time to think. It’s time to breathe. It’s time to appreciate what you have, no matter how meager that seems.

I would hope every writer has an activity that helps them access their inner self and voice. That puts them in a place of contentment so the space for imagination and creativity expands and grows.

And if you don’t, you may want to find one.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was devastating and confusing and scary. It came out of the blue and after telling my husband, my son, my boss, I told my horse.

Someone asked me what I did after I found out. It was a simple answer. “I went for a ride.”

Riding is a complete immersion into a partnership. You care for your horse. Your horse takes care of you. I can tell him anything. There’s no judgement, no sympathy, no horror.

After miles of letting muscle memory and years of habit take over without thought, I slow to a walk, drop the reins and let the motion of the gait seep into my body. Now I have moments to shout at the world, moments to cry, moments to think, moments to decide …

And moments to appreciate.

When I get back to my computer the well is full. I have nothing to lose by putting down my thoughts. I can dig into my imagination and what happens, happens. Deal with the logic later. Deal with theme and character voice when it’s necessary. Worry about later, later.

Now is the time to empty the well.